Killer’s Kiss is Stanley Kubrick’s first feature film. While it’s not a great movie, it is worth watching. Released in 1955, it foreshadows Kubrick’s greater, later works like Eyes Wide Shut and Full Metal Jacket, and I find it especially relevant to the question of female nature.
At some point, Davy Gordon left Seattle to go to New York and try to be a professional fighter. We meet him on a train platform, as he’s getting ready to leave town, disgraced. He starts telling the story of the last few days in the big apple.
Despite being the archetypical alpha male, Gordon has all the trappings of a simp. After getting his ass kicked for the umpteenth time in the boxing ring, he returns home to his fleabag apartment, where he indulges in his nightly tradition of peeping on his female neighbor, a wimminz named Gloria. On this fateful night, he sees the shade ramped up, and his neighbor screams for help. An unknown male is in her apartment.
A damsel in distress! Good lord! Davy shouts across the breezeway and thumps his chest, he quickly runs up the stairs to the roof, and comes down his neighbor’s staircase, where he meets Gloria, who has (predictably) fainted. Like a good little chump, he tucks the poor wimminz into bed, and sits all night nursing her back to sanity.
Gloria has been alternately fucking and rejecting her boss, a guy named Vinnie. Those of us who play with wimminz know this push-pull game well. Apparently Vinnie got sick of her shit, and decided to pay a visit to her house. That’s what actually happened.
A few twists and turns occur, and Gloria disappears. The sex-beast Vinnie has kidnapped our poor maiden! Clearly, it’s time for Davy to charge in to the rescue. He carjacks Vinnie at gunpoint, and demands to be taken to his love.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t work out so well. Davy finds Gloria, and once in the room where Vinnie’s thugs have her tied to a chair, he rapidly gets his ass beat into submission.
Once the score is settled, Gloria turns on the charm. What do you suppose she says to her kidnapper?
Gloria: Listen Vinnie, don’t kill me! I don’t want to die. I’ll do anything you want.
Vinnie: You love him…
Gloria: I’ve only known him a couple of days… We could go away…
Vinnie: Maybe we could get married, settle down…
Vinnie: What do you take me for? A 14-karat sucker? You and lover boy aren’t gonna put me in the hot seat!
What I love about Kubrick’s movies is the attention to detail. There’s much more to this film, including a very spooky fight in a mannequin factory, but I’ll stop here lest any of you boys want to dig it up for yourselves.
The most important lesson to be gleaned from our Uncle Stanley is not to be a chump. Say ‘no’ to the ho’, and let these bitches shift for themselves.