American Thanksgiving is almost upon us. Holiday dinners approach, and with them come endless opportunities to shiv our friends and relatives — many of whom are cucks and libs. Asking your mom, as she plops to the table in pussy hat and #Resist getup, “who’s your president, bee-yatch?” is probably pretty tempting. It will also be nearly impossible to refrain from calling your uncle a faggot, since he is, in fact, a homosexual.
This sort of dysfunctional squabbling, satisfying as it might be, and common as it truly is, is actually pretty tasteless. I know. I know. This is unlike me. Hear me out, please.
You probably think this chick looks familiar. That’s because she’s Susan Rice, Barack Obama’s national security advisor. She was in and out of the spotlight for several years. As you might imagine, she and her husband are hardcore liberal democrats.
Now meet John Rice-Cameron. He’s the son of Susan and her husband. He’s currently matriculated at Stanford University, where he is the head of the “Make Stanford Great Again” club, a pro-Trump student collective. He is famous for putting signs around campus, that read “White Privilege is A Lie!” “Affirmative Action is Theft!” and “Defund San Francisco!” He’s celebrated in this post code for getting a deranged faculty member (ANTIFA-affiliated) stripped of his tenure and thrown out on his ass. Brother Boxer approves of his good work.
Given their opposing views on any number of issues, you might assume that John wastes time at holidays squabbling with his parents.
You’d be mistaken in assuming that the Rice family is as autistic as your family is. Susan Rice has given numerous statements to the same effect, to hate-filled pseudojournalists who want to foment a family squabble that they can gleefully cover in their phony gossip media circus.
A new strategy I suggest: Be a gracious man at the holidays. Be the man of good cheer. In short, be like Susan and John. Politics doesn’t really mean all that much, anyway.
When your family gathers around the table, pay close and careful attention to each, emphasizing the shared bonds between you. Love and pride are the watchwords. Respect for elders, honor for ancestors, praise for progeny, and epicurean delight in the carnal feast are your minimum standards. If you pray, thank whatever God or gods you worship for one more year in the presence of such beautiful people, your links to the past and the future.
If there are screechers, do not join them. Let them reveal themselves as petty people, desperately in need of food and attention. Then feed them turkey.