The Overcoming: Part 2

This is the second part in a series of articles on overcoming escapism by Brother Jason, a soldier in the Salvation Army. Jason doesn’t have a blog, but you should show him some love here in this shithole. If you’re joining late, you’ll want to read Part 1 here.

quake_2193403b
I danced. I partied. There were still some laughs I suppose as the decline quickened. I partied with Fiona Apple in 2002 one night. We ended up some underground party and danced, grinded on each other while the group “Morcheeba” sang, and mixed their wizardry on the stage……..she “of course” just wanted to party with me and didn’t want to hook up with me……….

I met Sergio Mendes one night at a nightclub. I jumped from the upper rails of a nightclub down to the crowd below who broke my fall during a “soul / motown / Mod” all night dance party. Everyone thought I was insane. I was so high…….I was hoping to die countless nights. I would always ask myself as I looked in the mirror as I perfectly knotted my tie “This is gonna be the night…hopefully. I’ll pass out, crash out and never wake up.”

The SF Police twice fished me out of an alley deep in the Tenderloin neighborhood, and got me home. My parents back east started to worry about me……..I disconnected my telephone. My work performance sank, and after being given several warnings…..I was “asked” to leave IBM in the fall of 2003. The rush from sweet cocaine now was a problem…..I was honking up well over $1000.00 a week. I was an addict. I was ashamed but there was nothing really anyone could say or do to help me. Who was I gonna talk to? Someone in a club? My parents? Gonna meet a “nice girl” who just understood? My few peers?????

Despite all of this, I found another job rather quickly…….I was hired by a swanky nightclub atop the Sire Francis Drake Hotel in San Francisco as a bartender……it was like adding gasoline to an already out of control fire. The party scene now was kicked into hyperspace, interstellar overdrive. I was still keeping myself up, but I hated looking at myself in the mirror while shaving, or sitting in a barbers chair……..I hated everything about me. I was mechanical at my bartending job. I did solid work under stress and pressure…..but the second work ended. Out until the sun came up…..or later at underground clubs for bartenders, or more nefarious places……saw people shooting up heroin in filthy alleys (never touched needles btw). The dance went on……..I lost weight…..the shakes would not stop, and this would be the downfall of me bartending……the IBM stock I had was running out…….taxes killed my portfolio……….the savings was being sucked dry quicker than it was coming in. It finally came to the point when I just “quit” paying rent.

I was evicted from the condo I had been renting since 1997 in 2004.

I moved to a scummy residential hotel in the Western Addition neighborhood…….and that is when the bottom fell out……..

Read Part 3!

The Overcoming: Part 1

This is the first in a series of articles on overcoming escapism by Brother Jason, a soldier in the Salvation Army. Jason doesn’t have a blog, but you should show him some love here in this shithole.

drugstore-cowboy-1989-001-00m-vpp-burroughs-with-dillon

I have been clean and sober now for 13 years. January 2005 I snorted my last line of cocaine, drank my last drop of alcohol and took my last puff of marijuana. It was in San Francisco. My life had been in a downward spiral for a few years at this point…..it accelerated after 9-11-01 but there had been problems with me beneath the surface for quite a few years before that. I just turned 34 about one month prior to deciding to become sober.

This won’t be some butthurt empathy winning testimony about “if a woman just gave me a chance” or how “my parents didn’t love me enough” then I would not have drifted into these problems. I made the choices in the end. They are my choices to live with, bear and hang my head in “shame” with. There are a few people I have tried to make “amends” with who still have not forgiven me. I can’t really blame them for not forgiving me if truth be told. Towards the end of my addiction……I became a nasty sort of fellow. Ruder, meaner, nastier and badder. Not in a violent sense…but in many ways the worse kind……….the pure “evil” kind. Hoping misfortune on others. Wishing harm and reveling in it when someone got housed, busted, or lost something important to them. It made me smile inside……..thinking that “they might know now how I feel most of the time”. The reality was, most…heck….all could care less about what I felt. My addiction was evil in the end. Very evil. Sneaky. Loving it when a woman got cheated on. Thinking it great when someone didn’t get that promotion. I loved watching people in emotional pain. It almost alliviated mine…..albiet briefly.

If I had been “good looking” on a cultural standard, I could have pulled it off a bit longer and perhaps even gotten away with it. That is a discussion for another time.

My drinking didn’t make me confident. I suddenly didn’t become suave, or cool in a club / party / bar scene because I was drinking. Neither did the cocaine. What it did do was just make me “forget” how useless I felt on the inside. How I was always ignored, or invisible to women. How I was always that guy in a peer group who was “just not with it” like the rest. The times I was flying high or drunk or both on those fog-soaked San Francisco streets……..being in this state constantly helped me cope with my strong but solitary nature. Something I always was. The guy picked last for any team sport. The kid who somehow “messed it up” or “didn’t do it right”

Now, this situation just didn’t start with me taking a line of cocaine, and suddenly I lost everything a week later. Nor did I take a drink in high school while living in West Germany as an American exchange-student and suddenly “had a drinking problem”

It slowly, slowly accelerated. After 9-11-01, like I said above it kicked into overdrive. I kept my haircut. I shaved. I dressed well. I still took vacations (usually to Seattle in those days). I still served on the Board of Trustees of my beloved undergraduate, I was one of the top donars to my college (25K a year from 1998-2002). I suppose I looked okay for my age……but obviously to women and others, I wasn’t. Alcohol and drugs did help me cope in this area. I had an advanced degree from one of the top polytechnics in the USA (Rensselaer Poly). I worked for freakin’ IBM Corporation! I pulled over 135K a year in 2001. I had three patents. I was leading a huge project for their new and innovation Enterprise Storage Server at that time……….a multi billion dollar project in storage technology. I was living in San Francisco, a place so many would want to live in……….my parents of course were proud of me. My college was grateful for my patronage……….and yet……………………………….and yet

A failure with women. Total failure. I was (and am) still a virgin. Never kissed a woman. Never even had a date. I won’t blame, nor lay my drinking and drugs at the feet of women……and I did for awhile. Looking back….ughhhh….THAT was so pathetic. It probably fed into the vicious circle thing…..and just made everything worse for myself and my outward portrayal to women.

This combined with being shy, solitary……alone……..seeing my friends from college and grad school date, get sex, date, get sex, date…….get married…….combined with the lies I had heard since I hit puberty that “women only want a really nice guy” and facing the reality of this not really being the truth. I also was not happy with my job. Sure, I did it and did it well. I didn’t really enjoy the corporate office culture. Forget the “suit and tie” thing……I dealt with that. I hated the politics, the phoniness, the “air family” of fakeness. I hated working in a skyscraper. I wanted to be the guy who BUILT the skyscraper.

This combined with a varity of other things led to 9-11……and my core finally was shaken. Not that I was some “pillar of stability” at that point, but all I had faith in……was shaken hard. Conspiracy theories aside……we had been attacked, and the people who were supposed to protect us didn’t. It became politicized almost immediately and add to the fact…….I was supposed to be there. Two weeks before that fateful day, I returned form a boring business trip from the Tucsan, Az facility. At the Monday morning staffie….I was told to go help configure the new servers that were just intalled in the bowels of the World Trade Center. A coworker, and co-developer Doug asked me if he could go instead. He was from NYC, and he would do the job…………and then take some vacation time to spend with his mom and dad….sister. I agreed. Anything to keep me out of New York City was fine by me. I told my manager Doug was going in my place…and he agreed to this.

Well…..as you can figure out……..Doug obviously died in the attack. No, I was not buddies or pals with him. We worked well together. He was my age (31 at the time), married for a few years. Had the cute wife. A little baby boy. He went to NYC and never came home……….everyone in my department KNEW I was the one asked to go…….and he ended up going….and no, it wasn’t on purpose and maybe it was paranoia……..but I “felt” like everyone in my department wished Doug was still around and I had not returned from a fateful trip to NYC. Doug was popular on the team.

This pushed me into a downward spiral……tailspin………..and anytime I wasn’t at work I was drinking, snorting up enough cocaine that would have even made Kieth Richards raise an eyebrow and say “whoa there Welshman! your puttin’ me to shame!”

I wanted to die. I kicked my feet up and jumped head first down the slide while telling myself “I’ll be dead in a few years….none of this is gonna matter”

Read Part 2!

Pre-Nuptual Agreements

An interesting video for Monday…

Years ago, I wandered down to my local (back then it was west coast USA) divorce courts. On occasion I’d see some poor bastard trying in vain to enforce his agreement. On one occasion, I saw the judge not bat an eye, when he declared that: “in accord with the agreement signed prior to the marriage, petitioner will keep the house which was bequeathed him by his parents.” He then immediately declared: “Petitioner will buy respondent a house of equal or greater value within the next thirty days.”

Dalrockians v. Peterson

DUFdVuvX0AEvM2S

So over on Dalrock, people are agog at the attention paid to the Jordan Peterson interview. Same as here, I suppose. This is a fair example.

Screen Shot 2018-01-28 at 21.20.03

I have the impression that BDMG and Novaseeker are very different people; though, they’re both people I respect. They agree on at least one thing, which is their lack of a favorable impression of Peterson’s performance. They join a great number of other people, throughout the sphere, in expressing these opinions.

There are two points I ought to make here.

1. Peterson’s Revelations Aren’t Revelatory

They aren’t revelatory to us, because we’re grown men with developed psychic lives, goals and jobs. In short, they aren’t revelatory to us because they aren’t meant to be.

The people Peterson is trying to reach are young brothers, and he reaches them by symbolically occupying the psychic space that a father or grandfather would occupy in the development of a normal adolescent. People like BDMG and Novaseeker spend a lot of time in the ‘sphere, so I don’t know exactly why they don’t understand the inherent problem. We all seem to talk about young men growing up without fathers. Peterson is applying a solution, with the help of youtube.

If you’re an 18-year old man, whose life consists of internet pr0n, World of Warcraft, and pizza-flavored microwaveable meals, then Peterson’s act is revelatory. Peterson is probably the first person who has consistently told these young brothers to get up off their ass, go out and enjoy living in the world, and make something of themselves. That is a novel position, for a young man who has grown up in a single-mom house, with female public school teachers. The numbers suggest that our younger brothers have a definite need, and he’s filling it.

As Novaseeker cynically points out: He’s making a few bucks while doling out the sort of advice fathers and grandfathers used to give for free. So, what? Sue him.

2. Peterson is Adept at Pushing the Overton Window

He’s doing it at least as well as Donald Trump, in a country with no Trump equivalent.

The Ontario Provincial Government didn’t declare itself the Feminist Republic forty years ago, because it couldn’t. It has been a very long, slow slide into degeneracy, which has been accomplished over a period of decades, through a coordinated action which included both political figures, academia, and the mass-media. Our feminist overlords were very clever and careful to ease Canadians into the national gay bath house slowly, so as not to stir up any uncontrolled or organized opposition.

Peterson is singlehandedly pushing the narrative back toward sanity, and he’s doing it without the screeching or caterwauling that feminists have traditionally used. No normal person, who gives him a fair listen, is able to question his reason or motives. In this regard, he’s changing the way that Canadians, even the most pozzed out feminists among them, think about society and their place in it.

MGTOW v. Peterson

Screen Shot 2018-01-28 at 10.51.13This is a rebuttal from BDMG about my Jordan Peterson post. Visit the BDMG blog here.

I wasn’t really that impressed with his debate, to be honest.

It’s interesting that this comes shortly after seeing Jordan Peterson calling MGTOW “pathetic weasles”, then later qualifying it. I didn’t expect him to go straight for the tradcon single shaming right off the bat here… He has had some good material throughout the years; I hope he’s not becoming a gynocentric one-trick pony of anti-MGTOW now…

The world will always be anti-MGTOW, in the same way the world will always be anti-ginger. MGTOW will always be a tiny minority of men. Moreover, MGTOW are a justifiably hated minority. We can whine about the unfairness of this, but it’s due in large part to the antics of scum like Rob Fedders. It is the natural consequence of our own inability to police our spokesmen.

He says they need to “grow up” because “they have something to offer”… Male utility, male disposability, nothing more. These tradcons think that we’re supposed to be worker bees and nothing more.

Men are hard-wired to compete and succeed. The typical MGTOW who insists this isn’t true inevitably spends all day becoming the best possible player of World of Warcraft that he can be.

I remember arguing with one of these types, who wailed endlessly about his state in life as an incel. He interspersed his complaints with the casual admission that he taught himself multilinear algebra, with the help of MIT Open Courseware. Eventually, he showed me his latest software development project.

“Gee,” I remember saying, at the end of this weird conversation, “I did some of that in graduate school… I could never do it as well as you, and I couldn’t do it at all now…”

Feminists will insist that finding a wimminz and spending the rest of one’s life jumping through her hoops is the pinnacle of masculinity. Who are we to deny this, given what we see around us? It’s better to just admit that most men enjoy being unhappy. It’s also to our advantage to leave such men alone. They fund our society, giving us the opportunity to read books, go out to eat at nice restaurants, and screw trashy women. We also have the opportunity to excel in the field of our choice, without a woman to support. Why should we bother the traditional types, in context?

See here’s the thing: he is seeing part of the problem, he’s accurately seeing a lot of the effects, but he’s acting like a Protestant pastor and putting all of the responsibility on the men for things that have gone wrong. Women are the ones that have changed; this attitude is putting the onus on men to accept women under unacceptable terms, instead of changing the terms back to something acceptable.

The men who accept responsibility for female misbehavior are freeing us up, so that we don’t have to. Do you want to get married to some ball-busting whore? I didn’t think so. Let Joe Blow marry her. He’ll find happiness in slavery, and we’ll be able to have peace in our lives without a wife.

Make no mistake: Joe Blow is Dr. Peterson’s target audience. We’re not ever going to listen to his “man up” calls, and he knows that.

As for the arguments about “trans” shit and the “pay gap”, he knows his material well but he’s not the best debater. He doesn’t seem to know to cut her off a the knees with her sophistry and bullshit. He fought a good defensive fight, but he stayed on defense and she came out without a scratch, in the eyes of someone who doesn’t watch a video, made by and MRA, explaining to them that she lost and why. Not that this is saying much, but for someone who spat out nothing but sophistry, she did a much better job at it than, say, Piers Morgan.

You’re missing the larger point in this debate. This surprises me, given the quality of your contributions.

You can be sure that Mizz Newman did not miss the point. Manginas and male-feminists are born out of a sense of purposelessness and anomie.

Feminism is largely motivated, in men, by a sense of powerlessness. Such men fill their psychic vacuum with “edgy” feminist politics (which has, as a side-attraction, the illusory promise of some third-rate poon with a bluehair.) By telling kids to grow up and assume responsibility, Peterson is denying Newman, and those like her, the male footsoldiers who enforce her mandates.

I think that the reason he is getting so many accolades for this is because its the first time that many people have seen someone even TRY to argue against the gynocracy. It’s better than nothing, but it’s still not worthy of a ringing endorsement, from me anyway.

I can’t really disagree with this. On the upside, he seems to be the only “alt-lite” figurehead who isn’t a total charlatan.

6PsDvc

The Health of The Mother

ea0cacc6d6575db0660b0d9303abf313

There is little doubt that I am one of the most progressive people in the ‘sphere when it comes to the abortion topic. I have absolutely no problem with a woman choosing to abort her pregnancy, in the first trimester, in a number of different scenarios. For example:

  • In the case where carrying the child to term would kill her.
  • In the case where carrying the child to term would disable her.
  • In the case where carrying the child to term would make her sick for a year or more (e.g. Lupus).
  • In the case where the child will not survive outside the womb (e.g. Anencephaly).
  • In the case where the child will be born disabled (Down’s Syndrome).
  • In the case where conception was due to rape (i.e. violent forcible rape, not “I regret having sex after the fact”).
  • In the case where it is reasonably likely the mother will pass a communicable disease to the child in labor, which is incurable or hard to treat (AIDS).

Had you asked me about this topic, only a couple of years ago, I’d have strongly asserted the mother’s right to abort in any circumstance. After all, I naïvely assumed that such a terrible decision would never have been made without a grave reason, after a lot of introspection. How wrong I was! Over at Johnston Archive, the data has been laid out. Here are the reasons that American women actually get abortions:

Summary: This report reviews available statistics regarding reasons given for obtaining abortions in the United States, including surveys by the Alan Guttmacher Institute and data from seven state health/statistics agencies that report relevant statistics (Arizona, Florida, Louisiana, Minnesota, Nebraska, South Dakota, and Utah). The official data imply that AGI claims regarding “hard case” abortions are inflated by roughly a factor of three. Actual percentage of U.S. abortions in “hard cases” are estimated as follows: in cases of rape, 0.3%; in cases of incest, 0.03%; in cases of risk to maternal life, 0.1%; in cases of risk to maternal health, 0.8%; and in cases of fetal health issues, 0.5%. About 98.3% of abortions in the United States are elective, including socio-economic reasons or for birth control. This includes perhaps 30% for primarily economic reasons and possibly 0.1% each for sex selection and selective reduction of multifetal pregnancies.

In other words, abortions which are justifiable (at least by my standards) are well beneath 5% of the total, and that’s being generous. Over 95% of all abortions in the U.S. are sought by wimminz who had one too many appletinis, and subsequently conceived after unprotected sex with Chad in the nightclub’s public toilet.

Atheists and agnostics need to get their minds right. These are not people who deserve sympathy, and this is not a “women’s health” issue. These are the most irresponsible and reprehensible people imaginable, and they’re all around us, right now.

DUfR6M3W0AAgcjG.jpg-large

Single Mom Butchers Daughter

UntitledThis weekend we mourn little Zayla Rank, who was found slaughtered in her home on 26 January.

The Riverside County (California) Sheriff’s Department reports that they have arrested thirty-year old Susan Rank, Zayla’s skank-ho single mom.

News reports have followed the usual protocol, omitting any mention of little Zayla’s biological father. I suppose she was yet another virgin birth. Such things seem disturbingly common, these days. In an interview with Zayla’s aunties and grandmother, all manner of excuses were made for the murder. “I blame mental illness,” declared Tracylyn Sharrit, little Zayla’s auntie.

Sharrit doesn’t blame Rank. She says she blames the system.

“When a 3 year-old becomes collateral damage of somebody else’s mental illness, we as a society have to say what is broken in this system?” Sharrit told Eyewitness News. “Zayla couldn’t protect herself. Susan couldn’t protect her either. She was mentally gone.”

Relatives choose to blame “the system,” and I can’t help but agree. Little Zayla certainly needed protection, primarily from her deranged, drug-addled mother, and from relatives like Sharrit, who seem to be totally fine with blaming everyone but the perpetrator for this murder.

What would a better “system” entail? A sane society would have immediately taken Zayla from her unmarried mother at birth, and placed her with a normal family for adoption, and a chance for a healthy upbringing. It also would have probably followed something like the Soviet model, and sentenced her skank-ho single mom to a work camp, so that she could repay the social services money, squandered by her irresponsible behavior. The Chinese custom of forcible sterilization of such people also seems sensible, in context.

There seems little doubt that Mizz Rank will spend only enough time in the clink to get some more trashy tattoos, and she will shortly be released and fêted as a “victim,” empowered to do something like this again. Truly, we in the west have the worst of all possible worlds, in which female dysfunction is rewarded, and the costs for wimminz loathsome behavior offloaded onto innocent people, with their bastard kids often bearing the most violent and immediate abuse.
Untitled

Three-year old Zayla Rank, photographed with her murderer: Skank-ho single mom Susan Rank, age 30.