Solomon, the original playa, is credited with writing the following advice in Proverbs 7. Read it in side-by-side, Hebrew-English, (here). What I’m quoting is the King James Bible, which you can check (here).
Without further delay, let’s see what our symbolic father Solomon has to say about running married hoez…
1. My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee.
2. Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye.
3. Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart.
As your father loves you, he doesn’t want you to stumble into unnecessary trouble. Trouble will find you anyway. There’s no reason why you should get lured into more of it.
4. Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman:
5. That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words.
There are these women who suddenly “appear out of nowhere” to offer up the ass. Of course, to you, she’s a complete stranger. You might think this is some sort of good fortune. Don’t be fooled. You’re her prey, and she’s been stalking you around the club (or the gym, or the workplace) for a good while, now. She’s a stranger to you, but you’re no stranger to her. Even as she’s telling you how fine you look, she’s thinking of what she can get out of you.
6. For at the window of my house I looked through my casement,
7. And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding,
8. Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house,
9. In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night:
There are always dummies in every crowd: suckers, looking to be separated from money and dignity. Our symbolic father, in the text, notices these types, and he feels sorry for them. They’re young. Perhaps they — like ya boy Boxer, and perhaps like you — didn’t have a close relationship with a natural father or elder brother to clue them in to the dangers of the world.
Solomon notes one, wandering around, looking for trouble. Perhaps this dolt was raised, as I was, by a divorcée, a skank-ho mommy, who led him to believe that women were safe, and that it is in the female nature never to lead a young man wrong.
10. And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart.
Yup. Our father notes that this sucker is now being propositioned by an attractive but vacuous ho’. She’s been on the make all evening, looking for a simp just like him. Now she’s making her move, all while the poor dummy is imagining himself to have “lucked out.”
11. (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house:
12. Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.)
Solomon knows this ho’. She lives in his neighborhood. Bitch has a husband, but she causes so much trouble that he long ago gave up trying to keep her in line. He’s glad to be away from her, and only too happy to pawn her off on you. Now she’s out, looking for a chump… You’re the lucky winner.
13. So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him,
14 I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows.
15 Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.
It’s all very innocent. She doesn’t have a wedding ring on. She looks pretty fine. She starts spouting a lot of nonsense about “true love” and “fate” and new-age “soul mate” jargon. You’re just lapping it all up, right?
16 I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt.
17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.
18 Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves.
As our brother Deti has already reminded us (here), she’s looking for something. She can call it “love,” but it’s more likely to be an ego boost, a neurotic search for novelty, a bit of validation. She wants to remind herself she’s still “got it,” even if “it” is just the ability to trick a young guy into giving up his dick for the night.
Alas, our young brother isn’t quite as stupid as the old bitch first assumed. Solomon hears him suddenly object:
“You’re married, right?”
She’s quick to answer…
19 For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey:
20 He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed.
21 With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.
Oh, Shit! His clever intuition was sadly short lived. She copped to it, but made it seem like a safe romp anyway. Like the idiot he is…
22 He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks;
23 Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life.
He thought maybe he was the first young brother to be with this ho’. Not the case. Now he has the AIDS, the Herpes, and the drug-resistant Chlamydia. Oh, did you know that her husband and uncles are involved in an organized crime gang? (I guess she forgot to mention.) If the STDs don’t get you, those evil men will. It might be a good idea to leave town.
24 Hearken unto me now therefore, O ye children, and attend to the words of my mouth.
25 Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths.
26 For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her.
27 Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death.
No matter how many women you’ve bagged with day game, no matter how well you know the fairer sex, no matter how skilled you might think you are in Heartiste’s “Venusian Arts,” Solomon was ahead of you. If you have any smarts or self-awareness, you’ll take him seriously.