While I’m no longer welcome to contribute at Catholic Answers Forum, I do continue to read there. This article was found by my nigga Marcus D., over on Dalrock. Show him some love over there if you get a chance.
Proud Single Mom (fuck’n lol) is a new contributor to Catholic Answers. As it’s my custom to be charitable to people who need help, this will serve as an attempt to realtalk good advice out of a situation which may apply to more than just the original contributor. Lots of women are, in fact, deluded in precisely similar ways.
I am a single mom to 2 sons & have been single for almost 10 years. My sons are now 11 & 13. The marriage was very abusive & I never thought I’d love again. At least that was the plan, lol. I just wanted to raise my boys.
While abusive men certainly exist, their numbers are far smaller than the multitudes of women who like to paint their ex-husbands and babydaddys as such. I’ve heard all the stories.
“My ex beat me within an inch of my life, plus he was a pervert who tied me up and made me fuck his best friend… and he also fucked my kids in the ass on Saturday nights, and this is why I divorced him.”
I digress, but one’s first reflex at hearing such tales ought to be asking where he’s serving hard time. A serious beatdown and/or rape is a felony in every jurisdiction, and first offenders of this sort rarely get off without going to the clink. When Brother Boxer has asked this question of various women who pulled this crapola, he has almost always been impressed with the backpedaling.
“Oh, he had a really good lawyer, and we couldn’t prove anything… blah blah”
Which means that hubby never did any such thing.
On a couple of occasions, there have been affirmative responses.
“He’s doing 5 to life in Angola… after he put me in hospital, he stole a car and tried to flee the state…”
Which just serves to tell y’r pal Boxer that this bitch has incredibly bad judgment, willingly had multiple kids with an irresponsible criminal, and would probably still be with his dumb ass if the law hadn’t intervened.
In any event, I find PSM’s admission “the marriage was very abusive” to be sorta refreshing, in that she seems to tacitly admit that she was part of the nutty dysfunction. Perhaps they were young and liked to squabble. In the old days, such couples would be supported (and/or slapped around) by fathers of both bride and groom until they settled down and behaved, but those days are over.
Fast forward to 2 and 1/2 years ago & my younger son started taking private music lessons. He is on the Autism Spectrum and sports never worked out so he wanted to try drums which he enjoys very much. His private teacher is just…words cannot describe how awesome he truly is. He is extremely patient and kind & has never gotten impatient even once. He even worked very hard with me on payments while I was unemployed. I can tell he is really a genuine person.
So PSM has fallen in love with a man who views her and her kids as his clients. She is misinterpreting his professional behavior as erotic (or at least personal) interest. He’s extremely patient with her Autistic son, but that’s what he gets paid for, so to do otherwise would demonstrate a poor grasp upon basic salesmanship.
Anyways, I always knew I liked this guy since day 1. But over this past summer I realized how truly head over heels crazy I am for him. I am not talking about a crush and this is definitely *NOT* a case of lust. I am crazy in love with him and I never thought I would be able to love anyone again. I don’t talk to my boys about this kind of stuff but they both have made remarks on their own about how they want to see us together. Their own father hasn’t been in the picture for over 5 years.
If her boys, ages 11 and 13 are making these remarks, then she can’t very well claim that she doesn’t communicate her interest to them. This is an inconsistency which strongly suggests she’s being dishonest. Of course, it’s one thing to lie to strangers on the internet (we all do that, to some extent) and another to lie to oneself, which is what PSM appears to be doing here.
It’s also particularly chilling to read the last line of this paragraph. If the boys father “hasn’t been in the picture for over 5 years” then that implies that PSM has made his life such a miserable hell that he finds not seeing his own two kids preferable to dealing with her. This is not a good sign.
The problem is that I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me and it is because of my weight (he didn’t say that but I’ve been through crushes before and I know the deal…again, this is more…way more… than a crush). I am working on my health & I’ve lost almost 50 pounds (YAY!). But lately I have been feeling extremely inadequate because he’s the man of my dreams & I can’t get him. Yet other people bounce from one marriage to the next, one relationship to the next, etc.
While I salute people who find the self-discipline and strength to improve themselves, PSM should be losing weight for herself and her children, not for some dork of a music teacher, who just sees her as a paying customer.
It is also troubling to see her describing this dude as “the man of [her] dreams” after admitting that he was merely taking her money in exchange for teaching her autistic kid how to sing and play banjo.
I just keep praying to God that he will somehow bring us together down the road, I keep praying saying the verse “love is patient, love is kind” and that is exactly what this guy is because of how fantastic he is with my son and how generous he was when working with me on payments. I don’t know if he is Catholic or not (never asked him) but if he isn’t I’d like to talk to him about how peaceful & awesome our religion is (I am convinced that it got me through the bad times in my first marriage).
Does anyone think that this is possible? Should I keep the faith? Please keep my family in your prayers *& pleaser pray for us that this might work out down the road.
He’s the man of her dreams, but she doesn’t know what faith he professes, if any?
This reads as though a Mormon chick wrote it, in an attempt to flirty-fish a convert-husband away from the Catholics or Jews. Here I digress, but it’s interesting.
In the end, PSM must face the fact that she’s a single mom, with two sons, one of whom is mentally disabled. She describes herself as occasionally unemployed and unable to pay her bills (though her crush has generously worked with her in times of need). She admits that she has had problems with overeating, and while we should all give respect to people who undertake the discipline of self-improvement, she appears to be doing so temporarily, merely to snag a fella, after which it is safe to assume that she’ll resume porking out. We also must respect the fact that she’s not simply opening her legs to attract this dude, which is what most skank-ho single moms would be doing.
The object of her obsession certainly has more viable options than PSM. This isn’t easy for such women to hear, but it’s the reality of the situation, and a wise person will accept it.
What the folks over at Catholic Answers will probably never tell her is that Catholic theology is openly contemptuous of her aspirations. She seems to be a lifelong believer, which alludes to the fact that she married her first husband in the Catholic church. That marriage is still valid, and will remain so, unless she goes to an ecclesiastical court and gets an annulment. Whether we agree with Catholic theology or not, this is the custom, and it’s unlikely that will ever change. Thus, if she’s serious about her faith, she will forget this dude, continue to lose weight, and try to attract the attention of her husband and father to her two boys, who is the only man she’s supposed to be banging or living with, under the spirit and letter of the law.
Ed: Lyn87 brings the realtalk